This is a simple three-step approach to counseling. This method is used people who come to you with a problem or simply wants to talk about something. It is for the 'normal neurotics, like me and you" and not to deal with those suffering from serious psychiatric disorders.
It avoids giving advice (a common mistake for any counseling method). If you adhere to this strategy, you'll not harm anyone and likely do a lot of good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening means understanding the content as well as the emotions associated with it.
Cerebral understanding is not enough.
Don't make statements that is a statement that defines the issue or other person's feelings; ask instead. Do not say, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". "Not, "The issue is . . ." But instead, "You think the problem is . . ." " or "The way you see it . . . ". At this point, it could be enough to be able to say "uh-huh" or nod your head.
This stage ends when the person starts talking about the issues behind the issue. You will know you have succeeded when you have the agreement of what the issue is and what the person feels about it.
Stage Two Stage Two: Exploratory Listening
If the person who is talking to you is comfortable, they'll move on to deeper things. At this stage you can begin asking questions. You can ask if they've ever experienced this before; what they've tried to do in similar situations, whether or not it worked and if there are any additional thoughts or emotions going on for them. You can, if you can clearly see something make observations of the things you observe. For example, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and the list goes on. Even here it is probably better to ask questions instead of making statements.
The key issue in this moment is to remain connected to their feelings at the level they are experiencing them.
If you're unable to handle this, inform them and don't make it appear like it. It could be something like, "Sorry, I can't manage this at the moment." They'll appreciate this more than pretending (and they'll be able to tell that you're not really pretending).
The stage is over when the problem is looked at differently, a new insight is obtained.
Stage Three: Doing Different Things
When they begin to see things differently, they will begin to approach things in a different way, or at least plan to.
The temptation when anyone arrives at you with an issue is to jump into this situation immediately. This is a mistake. What is needed is the opportunity to look into what's happening and to look at it in a different way.
At this stage you can suggest what been successful for you.
Don't be enticed by the phrase "Yes But . . . ".
If they provide reasons as to that your suggestions aren't working, don't debate. Instead, ask them what they've tried, why it failed, and what they could try differently this time.
You might want to make arrangements that they check in with you to ensure that they can monitor how they are going with their new way of performing things.
This phase is over when they try out new behaviour with you or when they have a plan of the new behavior they would like to try with others.
This is mostly about listening.
The other person will always know more about their own situation than you do.
Do not give advice on what they should do. In the final stage, you could want to discuss what has worked for you in the event that you've dealt with a similar issue yourself.
With some practice, you'll become quite proficient quite quickly at this process. You could end up becoming one of those people who people seek advice'. As long as you do adhere to this procedure and do not offer any advice, you'll be doing Amanda Smith much good and help many people.